God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
two words: eviction party
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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