you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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