everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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