you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
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