Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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