dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
