We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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