Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
