I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
