I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
