I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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