Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
