There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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