well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
