that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
