You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
