Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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