The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
