I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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