Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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