11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
