She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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