He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
