Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
