Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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