I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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