I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
