We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think my moral compass just broke
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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