The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
