I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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