I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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