so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
