this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
