glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
