if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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