someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sext me about skeletons
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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