Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did you pee in the oven last night??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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