my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
