i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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