Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
