Christians are straight up FREAKS
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
