Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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