I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
