That's intense
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
