he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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