Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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