Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
