We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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