Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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