is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
