Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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