I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
