I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
