i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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