he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
