I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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