what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
