I just saw a hot homeless man
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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