Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
