oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
