Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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