Who wears a wallet chain?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
