I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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